So the other day someone hit me up on Grindr……

I did my due diligence to see if his profile checks out…..

He didn’t like Unsafe sex & drugs; Presumably likes rub downs; Not sure what’s happening with Instagram and the last one….WTF?!!?

He doesn’t like Black Americans???

I always say to people who get offended by such racially exclusive Grindr profiles, to move on to the next profile. It’s only Grindr. It’s not real life and it won’t impact your livelihood. The Real Sexual Racism

But I was curious to know why this fellow still contacted me. I don’t state my nationality on my profile. How does he know I am not black American?

So against my own advice, (which technically I didn’t do, as he contacted me first) I sought clarity…..

 

His response indicated he wasn’t into Black guys at all.

Then why the fuck did he send me a message.

At this point I became furious and sent a message without checking for grammar and spelling as you probably may notice…..

Now he appeared to be back into all black guys.

But I still wanted to know if Black Americans were excluded from his magnanimous hoe-ness……

Oh wow, he relaxed his rules. He must have been really horny to want to hook up with black Americans. And now that we have cleared up the confusion he wants to get back on track.

But still I wanted an explanation for the initial exclusion from his whoredom……

And then I got the told….

Doh!!!🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

I had to laugh.

Didn’t RuPaul Charles something like  “If you can’t laugh at yourself, how the hell are you going to laugh at someone else?” 

Happy New Year!!!!

 

 

I honestly can’t remember the last time in the past 12 months a Grindr conversation in London, has converted into a shag for me.

I am largely to blame for this.

Increasingly I am finding Grindr to be an endless source of mirth (second only to the current progress of Brexit negotiations with the EU) rather than a source of sexual gratification. I can’t seem to get past the content of the profile of the guys sending me messages without finding something hilarious about them. And I completely loose interest most times when I read the message.

I really need to change my mindset as I am not getting laid (via Grindr at least 😊) and I feel I am beginning to fall into the group of Time wasters on the app. Or maybe I am too discerning.

I have curated a few examples of what I have seen and done. And I also added a few from a friend of mine who was going through a particularly hard time, when he replied to messages.

I think this one will be waiting a long time……

I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something not quite right about this profile. A “Daddy without Sugar”?? 🤷🏾‍♂️

I actually felt sorry for this one. I felt his pain…Poor chap lives in London too.. 😢😢

There is alway one….🙄

When all else fails, throw money at it…..😏

This one said he was an “Oral top” and I wanted to know what that meant:

So my friend Etuk Inyama Etuk, an avid amateur tennis player and Serena Williams fan, was having a really hard time accepting her recent defeat at the US Tennis open. Rather than slam his racket on the tennis court, he took to Grindr to vent his frustration

🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️

I have come across some profiles in recent times, that you would be forgiven for thinking that Grindr was a job app like LinkedIn rather than a hook up app.

And the way I flip between apps on my iPad and being a certified simpleton, one of these days I think I just might respond to a message in LinkedIn with one intended for Grindr.

I struggle to see how being a graduate would help one’s quest for a shag on Grindr.

It is as if by declaring “I went to college”, I would say “Brilliant, bring your skinny arse over and let me ravage it”

The other day, one guy sent me a message accompanied with dick and butt pics. When I checked his profile he proudly proclaimed that he had a PhD and was looking for a serious relationship.

Last weekend a “High flying lawyer” in central London sent me pictures of his chiselled body but flat behind, offering to split the Uber fare if I came over to his place. Cheapstake. How did I know he is a “High flying lawyer“? Yes, that’s correct. It’s on his profile.

It got me thinking. If we all listed our academic and career achievements on Grindr, mine might read something like:

“City Analyst/Full time bitch/ Part time hoe.  BSc (Unical), BEng(Unilag), Msc (Buckingham), ACA, FCA, MBA(Imperial), PhD (Harvard), CPA, LLB, LLM, CITP, AGILE, PRINCE2. Top, looking for NSA, drug free safe sex with bottoms. PLEASE be Athletic/Muscular with a clean butt.” 

Then maybe a gay MD of an FTSE 100 company would offer me a job post coitus.  I guess I wouldn’t have to worry if got the job due to affirmative action.  Assertive action definitely but not affirmative …but I digress….

Unfortunately, these accomplished erudite punters like the slim ones mentioned above, just don’t bother reading profiles or do, but lack basic English language comprehension, for why else would they reach out to me when our profiles don’t match?!!

When people complain that Grindr has killed romance in the gay community , I often reply that Grindr is exactly what we want it to be:-

It could be a quick hook up app; A source of amusement (both uses I subscribe to, though since Nov 20 2016 it’s been more of  the latter than the former) or; an app leading to a long term relationship culminating in a globally televised wedding, featuring a black preacher and gospel choir in a typical English Church, prompting inane comments from British television pundits about “never seeing so many black people at a wedding before”.

But job hunting certainly wasn’t one of the uses I had in mind for Grindr.

🚶🏿🚶🏿🚶🏿🚶🏿

 

Reading is fundamental😏

 

Tired lines….🙄

 

He asked. I kinda answered..🚶🏿

 

 

Every gay black man’s dream. I couldn’t possibly refuse….I packed a weekend bag💼🏃🏿

 

Finally agreed at £450. Please don’t judge me….Food prices have gone up 30% last 2 years…😉