Crap I Get On Grindr IX

 

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Reading is fundamental😏

 

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Tired lines….🙄

 

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He asked. I kinda answered..🚶🏿

 

 

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Every gay black man’s dream. I couldn’t possibly refuse….I packed a weekend bag💼🏃🏿

 

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Finally agreed at £450. Please don’t judge me….Food prices have gone up 30% last 2 years…😉

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No Sex Please, We Are Facebook.

Early on Valentine’s Day after being on Mark Zuckerberg’s good side for a good stretch, his crew flipped on me. I was banned from using Facebook.

What really piqued me about the ban and its timing this year was that I missed the mawkish valentine’s day messages, between grown men living together, appear on my timeline. I live for the absurdity.

No_Valentines_DayRead More »

Crap I Get On Grindr XIII

After years of suppressing  his sexuality,  a friend recently came out of the closet and told his close friends and family. The level of acceptance by all told is encouraging considering he is Nigerian.

Buoyed by his new found freedom to be his authentic self  he hits Grindr, as you do and below happened

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Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.🚶🏿🚶🏿🚶🏿

Dear Nigerian Homophobe II

Hello fiends,

I throway salute o!!

It’s been a minute.

In my previous  letter I said I’d try and help you look less asinine in the World Forum of Homophobes (Click here to recap). Not an easy task and I am under no illusion that it will happen in my life time. But as the saying goes “The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”.

This one is directed at the Bible thumping ones among you.

In Chike Frankie Edozien’s brilliant memoir “Lives of Great Men” (or as I like to call it, “Naija Homophobes fear God – Stay in your lane or be run over), he said “……In recent times many Nigerians have embraced a rabid religiosity that veers towards conservative and literal interpretations of religious texts…..”Read More »

Movie Review: Call Me By Your Name

Call-Me-By-Your-Name-Film-Poster-2017

I will be brief.

Without giving anything away that is not already out there, this film is about Apricots. Yes, Apricots.

It is set in summer somewhere in Northern Italy, in the early 80s when white folk threw their limbs all over the place in the name of dancing to music….It is now 2017 and not much has changed since.

The main character is a precocious, 17 year old,who mopes around the house shirtless named Elio.  He is on vacation with his parents in their house surrounded by apricot trees, in the village. His father is an American Professor and his mother a translator. They are a multi lingual family and dialogue flows effortlessly between Italian, English, French and German. If you never thought German was a sensual language, you’d be in for a  pleasant, albeit brief surprise. Read More »

Wild Thoughts

The hustle is real, so off to work I go.

I do the 10 minute walk to the London Underground station. I have my headphones on. I am listening to music from my “recently played” playlist set on random selection mode. There are 175 songs. Means songs from Classical, Musicals, Pop, RnB, Gospel, Hip Hop, Afrobeat and possibly Apala music genres can start playing any time. I like the unpredictability.

The sassy song “Trouble” by Iggy Azelea ft. Jennifer Hudson is currently playing.  

I get to the Tube station and the platform is crowded.  About 3 people deep from the edge of the platform, there is some delay on the line. I was hoping for a trouble free journey into work today.

And right on cue, Andra Day starts singing “Not Today” in my ears with her mellow and soul stirring voice .

I maneuver myself into position on the section of the platform, where I can get on the carriage nearest the exit when the train arrives at my stop. Most people do this.

I am behind a young interracial couple. They are probably in their mid to late twenties. She white, blonde, about 5’7” tall, wearing light make up and a body hugging short black dress, that accentuates her curves. He Indian, stands at roughly 5’10”, athletic build, wearing a blue turban on his head and a light pink shirt tucked into a pair of grey slim fitting trousers and holding a gym bag. I assume he will be going to the gym at some point in the day. They look so loved up.

Tina Turner starts to serenade me with “Two People”. How sweet.

I steal a look at this bum. It would be rude not to. It is visible. Not flat. Not big, but round and firm. It complements his athletic body nicely. I know I shouldn’t foster stereotypes, but for an Indian, “Baby got back”.  Would I tap that?  Most likely, but that’s not up to me. He kinda looks hella straight. I will call him Ramdeep.

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Two busy trains come into the platform in succession. No one gets off from the carriage we are positioned in front of, so no one gets on. Shit I will be late for a meeting at work. A third one comes in. Some passengers get off and more people on the platform try to occupy the space they vacate. Back in the day, in Lasgidi (Lagos), I learned how to squeeze myself into a crowded Molue bus. If they think I will forget those skills for the sake of propriety, they have another thing coming.

Molue

I manage to get on.

Fela Kuti starts playing  “Shuffering and Shmilling” through my headphones. The line in the song “49 sitting and 99 standing” very much describes the situation in the train carriage. The rest of the song, though released over 30 years ago, highlights endemic corruption which is still very pertinent to Nigeria…But I digress.

It’s a tight squeeze. My back is pressed against the carriage door. Ramdeep with the nice cakes, is in front of me. He is facing his girlfriend with his back to me and his firm round butt just about grazing my groin area. Any slight movement and it will brush against me for sure.

I press my back as much as I comfortably can against the door, to create a respectable distance between my groin and his butt. I won’t be in this position for too long. Maximum 3 minutes.  The next stop has connections to other underground lines and a good number of passengers will get off.

The train sets off. 30 seconds into the journey, something causes Ramdeep to move back a bit. Perhaps being the attentive boyfriend that he is, he is trying to give his girlfriend a bit of space to ease the crush on her. Not sure if he is aware but, he just entered the unspoken allowable personal space of an adjacent individual in a packed train.

I don’t say anything. No point causing a fuss. Besides if he doesn’t mind his backside just about resting on another man’s groin…more power to him.

Now, his butt is grazing my groin and he unconsciously mirrors the slight rocking motion of the train, only he is subtly swaying back and forth into me.

Christina Aguilera  croons “Want your skin up against mine. Move my hips to the baseline…” from her song “Get mine, Get yours” from the playlist. 

Oh Lord, this is not good.  It would be over in about 2 and a half minutes. Wrong.Read More »