Not really sure what to say here. Would I be called a racist if I say “no” to his “Asian” question?
I don’t agree with the term “Sexual racism” (please click here for my thoughts), but let’s say I did for a minute, shouldn’t questions like “Are you into Asians?” be abhorrent to those who say “No Asians” on profiles is offensive? Especially coming from an Asian.
On one hand, the PC brigade say don’t mention race exclusions on your profile, that it is demoralising for the excluded race, but do not say that people of the excluded race, should not use their race to try and get laid.
And please don’t get me started on his fetishising.
It’s January and I found myself in Montego Bay Jamaica, hundreds of kilometres away from the cold UK weather, primarily to get some sunshine and possibly sample some authentic Jamaican homegrown wholesome non-genetically modified rump. And maybe some authentic Jamaican cuisine along the way.
During the short 10 minute taxi ride to the hotel resort where I was staying (and throughout the holiday), being a Nigerian I could not help but notice some similarities, between my people and black Jamaicans – physically and in some mannerisms. This is not so surprising considering what went on during the era of slave trade, where my people were forcibly taken from the west code and landed all over the Caribbean. So effectively we are very distant cousins.
A few months ago, I blogged here that I couldn’t wait for the new dislike button on Facebook, so that I can start disliking comments and pictures thus effectively becoming a Facebook troll . Well that dream is out the proverbial window now that Facebook have decided against the button.
Secretly I am glad they reached that decision because a Facebook troll who goes around clicking away disliking posts on Facebook, is one step away from being an Internet troll who actually goes around and takes the time writing negative comments on every post the come across.
I belong to a Nigerian LGBT online forum (blog) kitodiaries. Its main intention is to act as a forum where Nigerian LGBT persons can speak out against the hostile legalized homophobic environment they live in. A forum where homophobic attacks can be reported, attackers identified and other gay people warned about the attackers. More importantly, it lets other LGBT people in Nigeria know that they are not alone. In other words an online sanctuary of sorts. Read More »
Last September I was on holiday in Los Angeles and as usual whenever I visit a new city, I went sight seeing during the day and cruised the local talent at night. I logged onto the gay hook up apps and websites to check out the local talent. Being LA – Land of Hollywood where a large number of the residents are fit aspiring screen actors/models waiting for their big break and also staying in the predominantly gay West Hollywood, I had high expectations.
Yes the guys were hot, however on most of the profiles that I found interesting, I noticed that most of the guys were on Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP). The guys I sent messages to, though according to their profiles were HIV negative, said they wouldn’t mind having bareback sex because they were on PrEP. I did some digging around on the internet to understand PrEP, and I found quite a bit of information and research based data on it.
“PrEP is the use of anti-HIV medication that keeps HIV negative people from becoming infected. PrEP is approved by the FDA and has been shown to be safe and effective. A single pill taken once daily, it is highly effective against HIV when taken every day. The medication interferes with HIV’s ability to copy itself in your body after you’ve been exposed. This prevents it from establishing an infection and making you sick.”– Source – http://www.whatisprep.org
I knew then it would be a matter of months before PrEP hits the UK and now it is being trialled.
No HIV prevention technique is 100% effective, but I think some are more effective than others. Clinical studies carried out show that HIV virus did not infect 86% of the men on PrEP when there were exposed to the virus. (For condoms, its 97% (assuming the condoms are used correctly – 100%), plus condoms protect against other STDs.)Read More »
I like good personal hygiene. I like my hookups showered and prepared before we meet up. I expressed my sentiments about douchingherein a previous post.
Unfortunately not all bottom guys I hookup with share the same sentiments and this continues to baffle me. Consequently, during chats on whatever hookup site or app I am on and the hookup looks certain, I always ask if the guy has douched. Initially, I used to think it was improper to ask, but after more than a few unpleasant surprises, I have thrown all propriety out the window and I now routinely ask.
It seems however that I might have an answer to my bafflement.
Let me set the scene: This guy from Spain contacted me on Grindr in March, saying he would be in London in June for business. We exchanged pictures and agreed we would be a good fit in bed. We exchanged numbers and our conversation moved to Whatsapp. He arrives in London and we arrange a provisional time to meet and seal the deal. Below is the interesting part of the conversation. Please note English is not his first language, but he clearly communicated his thoughts about douching.
I was stunned. This guy was saying he couldn’t go home to douche and that it didn’t really matter, because I was going to use condoms anyway. So would he have offered to go home and douche if we were going to fuck bareback? Or maybe he would have suggested I just wash my dick of it turned out he was messy? Unbelievable!!!
For me a clean bottom is not negotiable. I do appreciate accidents do happen and the best preparations don’t exactly workout; but at least be seen to give a shit and make an effort and douche. But not this guy. So I feigned an emergency and cancelled the hookup. His wasn’t the only arse on business in London.
It got me thinking though, is the use of condoms one of the reasons some bottom guys don’t douche?
I see you had a spot of bother last week regarding your comment about effeminate (fem) gay men. Every fem and their Chihuahua gave their 140-character text opinion on Twitter and some wrote articles vilifying and blaming you and other straight-acting (Masc) guys, for everything wrong with the entire world. You apologised and though some said it was a back handed apology, it prevented a melt down on social media.
Dude, I am a fan and I have seen you in most things you have done. I like your character in Looking, I can relate to his situation where he has to choose between his boyfriend and his office romance. I too have been in a similar situation on numerous occasion though not in the office (One shouldn’t shit where one eats). Right now I have to decide whether to bump my regular Friday night shag for the fresh meat I had a prior dalliance with. Tough, really tough.
I also saw you in Pass at the Jerwood Theatre upstairs at the London Royal Court. That was a hot play, especially the shower scene where you were butt naked. (Though not too sure about the dodgy Nigerian accent you tried to put on in one scene). For most of the play you were in tight Calvin Klein boxer shorts and I could see that the work you put in at the gym in preparation for your role paid off.
As you know the seating configuration of the theatre was such that the audience could reach out and touch the actors. You may or may not remember, but on the night before the play’s final run, during the scene were the stage lights were dimmed really low, just before you ran off exiting stage right, someone in the audience squeezed your bum and you fluffed your lines. It may or may not have been me, but all I am going to say is that you must have done some serious squats during those gym sessions.
I also saw you in San Francisco a day or so before Folsom street fair. You were walking with a lady who I now understand is your mum (lovely lady by the way). Around Mission and 17th Street you both stopped and talked to a homeless man. You reached into your pocket and gave him some money. That really moved me. ** Wipes away a tear**
Just to be clear, I am no stalker. We just happen to be at the same place at the same time…over and over again.
What you said about effeminate guys was a tad insensitive. In this blessed world of political correctness, you can think it, but you are not allowed to say it, particularly not to strangers holding a recording device. We are All God’s children (well the jury is still out on Vladimir Putin) and you can’t be implying (outwardly) that there is a more socially acceptable gay comportment than the other.
I am not going to go into the whole “internalised homophobia” accusations you got or into feeling of deep insecurity effeminate guys’ feel when they see “Masc only” on Grindr profiles and so on; for I am sure you have heard and read enough of that to last you a lifetime, so I won’t bore you. (But you can read what I think about it here between takes)
However, I would like to say in response to the comments made about your Dad, I think he is a visionary. When he saw your flair for acting he probably thought, after seeing the visible gay actors around at that time like Kenneth Williams and John Inman, why not go against the grain? Instead of his son being a gay actor, why not be an actor who also happens to be gay? That way you get to play other roles other than the stereotype gay comedy relief, that always for some reason are effeminate. So he shipped you off to a drama school where you learned and honed your acting skills. Incidentally you happened to get toughened up along the way. So fucking what?
So now you can play any male role, straight or gay, requiring an Essex accent convincingly. I have seen an episode of Banished on BBC and you play the straight guy extremely well. Good on you and a huge thanks to your Dad.
For the haters that called you the “Worst gay ever”, just think of them as fans in denial. They will soon come round.
Anyway, the furore your comment caused on Twitter has all but died down now, just like most gay relationships in London for men aged between 18-40 these things tend to last a few days then we move on the next thing. Right now it is all about Jeremy Clarkson’s ‘fracas’.
If however someone out there is still throwing shade at you on social media and you need a place to hide out, drop me a line. I have a place you can hide out in London. No one will know where you are. It would just be two of us doing what masculine guys – hanging out in our underpants, wrestling on the floor, watching sports on TV and drinking beer (Non alcoholic beer for me though). I could even teach you a proper Nigerian accent.
A friend of mine commented that all I tend to share are shag stories about me being the top and never the bottom. A fair comment which I have sought to address a few times. Like most tops out there, I am versatile when I am in a relationship. (Yes I have been in relationships!!). It is during these relationships that I have learned not only how to bottom but also how to give bottoms pleasure and by so doing be a good top.
Sadly, my ass is high maintenance and accustomed to certain ways. It is not built for quick online hook ups. To get into the mood, it requires cajoling by way of extended periods of pleasurable rimming and finger action to ease open the gates and pave the way bigger things. (A bit like John The Baptist paving the way for Jesus Christ). And when the bigger thing comes, entry has to be slow and every inch considered. Once the entry is complete and the tool fully accommodated then play can begin. Read More »