Bottom · Douche · Gay websites · Grindr

Crap I Get On Grindr

I like good personal hygiene. I like my hookups showered and prepared before we meet up. I expressed my sentiments about douching here in a previous post.

Unfortunately not all bottom guys I hookup with share the same sentiments and this continues to baffle me. Consequently, during chats on whatever hookup site or app I am on and the hookup looks certain, I always ask if the guy has douched. Initially, I used to think it was improper to ask, but after more than a few unpleasant surprises, I have thrown all propriety out the window and I now routinely ask.

It seems however that I might have an answer to my bafflement.

Let me set the scene: This guy from Spain contacted me on Grindr in March, saying he would be in London in June for business. We exchanged pictures and agreed we would be a good fit in bed. We exchanged numbers and our conversation moved to Whatsapp. He arrives in London and we arrange a provisional time to meet and seal the deal. Below is the interesting part of the conversation. Please note English is not his first language, but he clearly communicated his thoughts about douching.


I was stunned. This guy was saying he couldn’t go home to douche and that it didn’t really matter, because I was going to use condoms anyway. So would he have offered to go home and douche if we were going to fuck bareback? Or maybe he would have suggested I just wash my dick of it turned out he was messy? Unbelievable!!!

For me a clean bottom is not negotiable. I do appreciate accidents do happen and the best preparations don’t exactly workout; but at least be seen to give a shit and make an effort and douche. But not this guy. So I feigned an emergency and cancelled the hookup. His wasn’t the only arse on business in London.

It got me thinking though, is the use of condoms one of the reasons some bottom guys don’t douche?

I am still baffled.

18 thoughts on “Crap I Get On Grindr

  1. Young man sagba,
    We all like a clean bombom, but If you want to fuck a bombom, be prepared for any nastiness that comes with it, I think your ‘thought process’ is really high handed and condescending.

    1. Your Royal Scatness,
      On the highly unlikely event, my sexual fetish changes to scat, I will be sure to look you up.😉
      Thanks for stopping by

      1. If the thought of scat scares you that much, you should perhaps consider having a douche around for your sexual tryst.

        1. It has crossed my mind and I do have disposal kits. But like I said in the post linked to this, it takes time to clear the tract! And hopping on a dick immediately after douching is not always successful.
          And believe it or not, there are bottoms who like to prepare in the privacy of their own home.😏

  2. LMAO!
    A tale of a Top’s bafflement. It’s odd that apparently (from this guy) some Bottoms think that the horror Tops have for a messy situation is getting the mess on their dicks. I don’t even get why such a Bottom wouldn’t feel horror at such a thing happening.
    I know I would.
    I’ve had this messy situation happen once to me. I was seeing this guy steadily then, not a boyfriend, mind you. And he’d just spent the night, and the next morning, wanted to go in. But my body had other ideas that early in the morning. What resulted wasn’t so bad. But it was enough to have me mortified for a long time. The stink alone…oh gawd! The dude kept on reassuring me that it was okay, but I just couldn’t keep my embarrassment under control. Lol.

  3. While the fear of a dirty bottom is the beginning of wisdom, your demand that the bottom “come prepared” could have been phrased in a more diplomatic manner? Tbh, it just came across as rude.

    1. My tone is as a result of exhausting all diplomatic channels. I don’t think it would be a problem for fellas who believe that having a messy bum is not the norm.
      I think “please come prepared” is less offensive than “please douche”.

  4. There’s nothing wrong with the tone abeg. Come prepared. That’s all.

    I guess some bottoms are either used to shit happening or they are lucky to have one of those pathways that’s always naturally clean. At least I know I used to have that in med school but i return Naija and the diet here ruined everything.

    After 3 accidents, nobody tell me twice to go order Douche for Zeevirtualmedia 😂

    1. I beg o!! Helep me ask dem!! 😂😂😂
      But I would have thought Naija diet being more natural and fibrous, would be more appropriate?😱

      1. Abi oh. My intestines can like to misbehave sha. Fiber or no fiber. Lol

        P.S: You linked in your profile at KD. It’s the one giving me privacy wahala. I don subscribe to this one via email sha so as not to forget again. 😉

        1. That link in defunct. Never used. Not sure why you are getting it. I will remove all traces of it. Thanks for stopping by👍🏿👍🏿

  5. I cannot relax if I am not clean, out of the question. You can do a proper douche with all kinds of stuff. For example buy a bottle of mineral water that has a sport sealing so you can spray water out of it. Fill it with lukewarm water and a few rinses will do the trick properly. Or remove the shower head from your hotel shower if possible.

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