Sex Writer’s Block

I have writer’s block. 

I start writing something and either my mind goes blank, or I find some obscure movie to watch on Netflix, Amazon Prime or Disney plus.

This is what happens when you base 95% of your blog content on your sexcapades and you don’t factor in the impact of a global pandemic.

I asked a prolific-ish writer friend of mine, if he ever experienced writer’s block and how he overcame it.  He said on the few rare occasions he has experienced it, he set himself a goal of writing 500 words as a day. He suggested I do the same.

So I took his advice and after 10 days this was the result:

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

500 words as a day

Not sure that worked.

In any case, I have an irrational fear that WordPress who host this blog may deactivate it due to inactivity. So, if the following doesn’t make sense, it is not supposed to. And if it does, then please let me know where you get your weed. I may need to change my supplier.

                                                             ****

Ah, it’s June. The official pride month, Tis the month for large corporate organisations (and small ones) and well-known household brands (and obscure ones),to present recycled LGBTQ awareness powerpoint slides to their employees and hire an external LGBTQ consultant/activist to educate their captive audience on inclusivity in the work place and how to be respectful of pronouns. They incorporate the rainbow flag into their official logos and sell rainbow themed merchandise in support of (while marketing to) the LGBTQ community.

Whilst this is a great show of LGBTQ allyship, most times it is not effective and could be perceived as virtue signalling. In most cases, these corporations don’t use their outsized influence to speak out against LGBTQ persecution in regions where they operate.  So, it’s no real surprise when some opine that the show of support for the LGBT community is strategic with a firm focus on the bottom line and exists within the restraints of capitalism and nothing short of rainbow washing. 

Last year was a bit different though. With the COVID pandemic at its peak this time last year, I don’t think Pride was foremost on people’s mind. So the Rainbow flag was repurposed and used as a collective show of support and gratitude – by way of plastering it on every other front window and car bumper sticker in the land, along with a “generous inflation busting” 1% pay rise – to the National Health Service (NHS) key workers, for all their hard work during the pandemic.

                                                  ****

A friend of mine, is a history buff and has more than a passing interest in the history of the British monarchy. His knowledge of the Houses of Stuart, Tudor and Windsor is so in depth, that one would find it difficult to say that his recollection of events may vary. Whenever we meet at social gatherings, I greet him, depending on how I identify on the day, with a bow or shaky curtsy before giving him a hug. He would protest that he isn’t royalty and that I stop embarrassing him – which is his polite way of telling me to stop making a pathetic ass of myself in public.

Well it would appear my curtsying and bowing has been somewhat prophetic (rather than pathetic), because he was recently named in the Queen’s Birthday honours list and has been given a gong for services to his chosen 9-5. So now it is official. Pending when he goes to the palace to collect his medalhe is almost royalty.

I have not seen him in public since the pandemic but we have planned to meet up once the COVID restrictions are lifted in a few weeks’ time. In the meantime, I have been practising my bow and curtsy. The former isn’t too bad. The curtsy on the other hand is another matter. Now that he is almost royalty, it must be deep with no wobbling, which would be a mean feat for me with my dodgy knee. 

                                                      ****

Grindr is hopeless!!! 

Yesterday, I visited a popular mall (where some white folks go shopping to remind themselves, they are in England) on the outskirts of Southeast London and there were young muscular hotties, fitted out in figure hugging tops, sweat pants and tight jeans, out shopping with their significant other and kids. Some of them made eye contact with me and maintained it for 5 seconds too long when walking past. Whenever that happened, I would look back to check out their rear view and lo and behold they did the same. 

So thinking there would be a lot of guys with similar look and build in the area on  Grindr, I hastily logged on. And not one of the nearby 100 profiles, remotely represented the actual reality on the ground. 

Instead I got this!

                                                             ****

To the two baristas at my local coffee shop, who went back to scrolling on their phones when I walked in the other day and ignored me for 10 seconds before taking my order and when it came to me paying for the latte, waited for me to select the “Add a tip” option on the POS during payment…….                                                  

6 thoughts on “Sex Writer’s Block

  1. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 It’s such a joy to read from you again. Looks like after writing “500 words a day” 500 times, you were finally able to find out how to let us know that Grindr in London operates the same way Grindr in Lagos works: plenty to see in the mall but nothing to see in the app.

  2. 🤣😂🤣😂🤣 Were the significant others men or women? Maybe that would explain why Grindr was dry

  3. Cough cough so are you saying you haven’t been getting it in AT ALL during this pandemic period? ok sir lol.
    PS: A change in scenery can help with writer’s block!

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