Comedy · Sex · Social Commentary

Sex Writer’s Block – The Chains of Amistad

Still no sex being had, so nothing exciting to write home about.  

But it appears my writer’s block, like an itchy butt rash seems to be clearing up . 

How best to describe my writer’s block?

Imagine for a second an idea undergoes the same processing food does when it goes through the alimentary canal before coming out the other end. Then somewhere along the alimentary canal there is an obstruction – caused by say some indigestible piece of plastic from a McDonald’s quarter pounder burger- and the idea can no longer be processed and you are all backed up. If you are lucky to remedy the situation, a high fibre diet and water would help remove the obstruction or you go to the hospital to have it removed.

I guess I have been lucky and my bowel movement is getting back to some form of regularity, albeit painfully.

So here are little pellets of crap ideas I managed to squeeze out:   


About four weeks ago I got into a disagreement of sorts with someone in a Whatsapp group I belong to. In the process, some tea that shouldn’t have been brought to the party in the first place was spilled. In hindsight, no matter the provocation it was wrong of me to have done that and it has caused some discord in a once harmonious chat group. What can I say? Hurt people hurt people. 

To restore the status quo, a well – meaning friend of mine who is well respected in the conflict resolution field, suggested that I should be the bigger person, accept responsibility for my part of the brouhaha and apologise.

I am trying. It has been difficult for me. I weighed 90kgs four weeks ago and I have been eating all sorts of cakes and pastries since he gave his sage advice to be the bigger person. I am now at 95kg; I will apologise when I hit 100kg.



I have subscribed to Apple Music and now that I can read the lyrics on the app as the songs play, songs now have a whole new meaning to me.

I have now finally been able to make sense of the bit of crucial forensic evidence that great chanteuse of blessed memory, Whitney Houston presented to her less than faithful lover in the song It’s not Right but it’s ok, when in the first verse she sings: 

If six of y’all went out, ah
Then four of you were really cheap, yeah
Cause only two of you had dinner
I found your credit card receipt.

In hindsight, I should have researched the lyrics when I first heard the song on its release in 1999. I guess I was too caught up in the hard-hitting dance beat and the gist of the song – which was about a woman finding the strength to walkout of a less than perfect relationship (Yes, I can be a feminist…… sometimes) – to be bothered about the finer details of the song. 

And now twenty-two years later, with the lyrics laid out in front of me, I finally get it. The credit card receipt showed amounts for two sets of meals.

Of course this brings up another question. In my experience my credit card receipt doesn’t show a breakdown of meals paid for. So sista how far?

But I maybe overthinking it…. Creative license Kere, Creative licence.

I suppose I was also lost in the message of unconditional love expressed in the song “Your Love is my love”, to make sense of my version of the chorus:

Cause your love is my love
And my love is your love
It would take an eternity to break us
And the chains of Amistad couldn’t hold us

I thought it was “A shake up from the stars couldn’t unhold us”

I mean how does that even make sense??? 

I am now here wondering how many other songs I have mangled in my head.



I have a new Personal Trainer. Before developing a bespoke training program for my lockdown inspired fat ass, he asked me to keep a diary covering a  seven-day period of everything that I eat.

Looking at him quizzically, I asked “Everything?”

He replied, “Every single thing you put in your mouth over the next seven days”. 

I think the diary would have made for very interesting reading, if this request was made before the pandemic. 

Here is an excerpt of what the diary would have looked like:

Day 5


  • Three fried eggs 
  • Fried Plantain
  • 1 mug of Earl grey tea with milk and 2 tsp of Honey

Mid day snack 

  • 1/2 litre of water
  • “French toast” – 8” Dick and some moderately sized French ass


  • Beef Mince and Asparagus
  • 1 litre of water mixed with a splash of Apple juice

Late afternoon snack

  • “Sushi & Chips” – 7” & 8” dicks and some (surprisingly) Japanese bubble butt & English (meh)butt.
  • 1 litre of water


  • Salmon and salad.
  • 1 litre of water
  • Hot mug of Cocoa.



Saw this on Scruff the other day:

Talk about mixed messaging?

How does one head to a hook up and keep their distance?😳😳

3 thoughts on “Sex Writer’s Block – The Chains of Amistad

  1. 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
    Since you now have a personal trainer, it would be silly to expect that apology now abi?

    Naija porn stars have mastered the act of fucking while observing Covid-19 protocols 😑🤦🏾‍♂️

    1. You know it!!

      Good for the Nigerian porn stars. It shouldn’t be too difficult for them, considering they already have protocols in place for preventing STIs.

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