Brexit – A Case For Bubble Butts

Incase you haven’t heard, the United Kingdom will be voting in a referendum on June 23rd to decide whether to leave the European Union (EU) or to stay. This has been aptly termed “Brexit” to leave or “Bremain” to stay.

What brought this on? Since Britain joined the EU back in 1973, dissenting voices have always complained that they wanted to leave the community. They were (and are still) not happy with the EU laws and standards they had to subscribe to as a member country.  The idea of being ruled by anyone else other than themselves is abhorrent to them. Rule Britannia and all that.

As part of Prime Minister David “Nigeria is fantastically Corrupt” Cameron’s election promise he said if his conservative party won the 2015 election, he would call for a Brexit referendum. His party won, He called for a referendum. But he also went to Europe to negotiate a better terms if Britain remained – terms which the naysayers say, are not good enough.

There are two sides of the Brexit campaign.  The Supporters of Brexit – The Leave group and The Remain group who oppose Brexit. The Supporters of Brexit base their opinion on a variety of factors from the global competitiveness of British businesses to concerns about immigration. The Remain group see merit in whatever terms Cameron secured with the EU.

As with most things in life, there are pros and cons of remaining in the EU.  For example EU laws have harmonised toy safety standards and ensured that all food ingredients and allergens are labeled appropriately. (I wish they would harmonize the definition of Muscular on Grindr. Currently one person’s muscle in Britain is another person’s fat in Italy. It’s a mess…but that is for another post)

Then there is the issue of uncontrolled immigration into UK. The naysayers believe the free movement of people from mainland Europe would put pressure on UK health care, housing and other services, reduction of wages and loss of jobs for British people. They are also worried about increased terrorism.

As the day of the referendum draws closer both sides have intensified their rhetoric.  Everyday we are assaulted by politicians from both sides, with sagging jowls and bad teeth, in the media arguing their case. Claims and counter claims are made against each side about erroneous facts and figures and scaremongering being used to persuade voters in a bid to support their case. At one point Cameron suggested that Word War III could break out if the UK leave the EU.

In their bid to produce balanced reports, TV journalists follow each group as they canvas the high streets seeking support and inevitably bystanders are interviewed for the camera.  One such interview I found amusing was an Asian family, voicing their support for Brexit and banging on about “How immigrants will come in and take their jobs”. In the background was an old white lady pulling a shopping basket watching the interview, she shook her head and smirked as if to say “Now, you know how we felt in the 70s, when you lot came in from Idi Amin’s Uganda”

Pollsters are also in on the pantomime. In one day the opinion polls could swing from one side to the other with the same pollster. By the end of the day, after spewing unintelligible percentiles and inane averages, the pollster concedes that the outcome of the referendum will be too close to call. What a waste of oxygen.

All this has become very confusing for me and I shall be voting based on what I thing is good for Great Britain. Bubble Butts

It is no secret that I love me some nice firm bubble butt attached to an athletic/muscular body and I make no apologies for it. But by no stretch of the imagination do I consider myself an ass connoisseur. I just know what I like and it is hard to find it among the white population in the UK.

While I hate stereotypes because they largely ignore the characteristics of individuals, it is widely believed that majority of Caucasians are posteriorly challenged. Sadly this notion is glaring in the UK.

When I hit up guys online and vice-versa and after pictures are exchanged, 7 times out of 10 times I have had to politely end the conversation on receiving the guy’s ass pic. Most times, it’s a “back with a crack”, a “builder’s bum”or  where there is semblance of buttocks, it is not rounded but rather spread laterally.

During a recent trip to Nigeria, I was chatting with a friend and the issue of hook ups came up and he said that he couldn’t survive sexually in Europe. He said he tried having sex on two separate occasions with white expats in Nigeria and he just couldn’t get it up. He said he kept looking for their bums and he couldn’t find anything.

Before writing this, I set out to debunk this myth. Over a 4 week period, even up to this morning in my exercise class, I checked out (more than usual) white guys in my gym, on the underground, in the office, the shops, the parks and walking on the street.

Out of every 10 guys, I found about 60% of them had butts that would turn my head. But on closer inspection, I discounted half of them, because they had big butts with bellies to match. So that leaves 3 guys of 10. Not good. (The numbers are higher in Spain, Portugal, Greece, France, Germany (so so) and Sweden. Not so sure about Italy. Czech republic was a struggle). And this is with Britain currently in the EU.

Leaving the EU, would restrict movement across UK borders with mainland Europe; Europeans who live and work in the UK, may have to leave and go back home thus reducing the number of white bubble butts in the UK.  What would we be left with? Flat butts or “butts in deficit” like that of Prince Harry.  I won’t forget the leaked TMZ images of the Royal Prince shagging a girl in a hotel room in Vegas years ago.  I wasn’t sure what I found more appalling; the unnecessary invasion of his privacy or his lack of ass. That whole incident was definitely one thing that should have stayed in Vegas. 

Don’t get me wrong Great Britain is one heck of a multi-cultural country with people from diverse ethnic groups. I can get plenty of bubble butts, from my fellow black brothers where bubble butts are the rule rather than the exception. I believe variety is the spice of life and it would be nice to mixed up chocolate cakes with some vanilla ones. It would be more enjoyable if I didn’t have to spend hours trawling through the abyss that is Grindr to find a slice.

So I say, Britain please remain in the EU thereby increasing the pool of white butts ergo the proportion of white bubble butts to flat ones.  You only have to compare Tennis champion Andy Murray’s butt to Spanish Tennis player Rafael Nadal’s butt, to see what I mean. (Not so sure about Serbian Novak Djokovic’s butt). Also from what I see of Romanians, they would definitely boost the numbers if allowed in.

Anyway, that is the end of my political broadcast.

I am off to Spain next week for a few days (Doctor’s orders –Vitamin D things). After reading this, if the UK border authorities let me back in, I will be voting to stay in the EU.

Britain needs more white bubble butts!!