Blowing In The Wind

When I observe some behaviours  around me in my daily, I ponder why they take place.

For example: 

  1. During rush hour on the London Underground, why is it twenty passengers get off the train, only five passengers can squeeze back on? Meanwhile when a beggar comes through the same train carriage passengers quickly make way for him to pass, creating a wide path Moses wished he had at the crossing of the Red sea.
  2. On a busy pavement why do some people walk with their head down, eyes glued to their mobile phones and expect me to walk around them?
  3. After waiting in line to be served at the cinema snack stand, why don’t people know what they want before it gets to their turn to be served?
  4. After being alone in an empty room for minutes on end, why do people walk in right after I fart?

The last behaviour galled me earlier this year.

I usually go to the gym very early in the morning when it’s not busy. At that time, there are usually 10 – 12 regular members in a gym that could easily take 100 members, during peak periods of the day. In addition to not having to wait to use machines or weights,  another advantage of going to my gym early in the morning, is the demographic of the members at that time. It is highly urban. (read “Black”), so the possibility of not seeing a bubble butt, is quite low.

Among the early morning regulars are two young black French guys in their mid-twenties who are quite friendly and always say hello to me. Both have smooth dark skin, are both about 6ft tall and built like professional athletes. Their chests are about 42 inches wide tapering into a 30 inch waist. Then their glutes are hard to ignore, there is no second-guessing their presence. They are well formed, round and set high above their equally muscular legs. God took time moulding and baking those chocolate cakes

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When it comes to the derriere, those boys are truly blessed and they know it. I have never seen them wearing loose fitting gym clothes, their gym outfits are always form fitting, accentuating their glutes and overall body musculature. Some days I can make out their abdominal muscles through their tight gym tops – one spots an 8- pack, the other a 6-pack. 

They work out together and some mornings, if I am working out in the same gym area as they are, I would spend and extend rest periods between exercise reps, watching them and fantasising about the things I would do to those glutes.

I would imagine them butt naked in bed and me squeezing each guy’s butt cheek and playfully gnawing away at the other. Then I would explore each hole and spell out their names with my tongue, bringing them both to a point where they would beg for more and give me more names to spell out with my tongue.

 

Then when I am done with the spelling bee, I would sheath myself and take them one after the other while the other watched or participated in some way, while waiting his turn. Sometimes, I’d imagine one was versatile and I would enter him from behind while he ravaged the other one; or I would finger them both while they fucked. Or I would finger one while fucking the other. The permutations of the positions are endless in my fantasy.

These extensive rest periods would probably explain why I spend 2 hours in the gym, 4-5 times a week and still haven’t achieved the well chiselled bodies I see on Instagram.  

Black glutes

I don’t even know if the French guys are straight or gay, nor the relationship between them – whether they are lovers, friends, siblings or cousins. But whatever their sexual orientation (straight preferred) my fantasy remains. (Hopefully they are not related, that would be gross)

Anyway, one early morning –it was legs day- I was using one of the four squat racks in the entire gym. The other regular early morning gym goers, including the stars of my spelling bee fantasy, were in other parts of the gym. I was alone in the vast gym are, with a plethora of gym equipment and my thoughts on how I was going to power through the back squat exercise routine.

I got myself in the start position, with the barbell resting on the top of my back. Feet shoulder weight apart and slightly turned out. Shoulder blades squeezed back together, abs tight and braced with my hips driven back slightly. I inhaled, sat nice and slow till my thighs were parallel to the floor. Paused, exhaled and powered back up to the start position.

back-squat1

The perfect squat (even if I say so myself) except that on the way back up, I involuntarily let one off and the air around me became noxious on account of the ewa agoyin (beans), I ate for dinner the previous night. (I chronicle what happens when I eat ewa agoyin here). Though I had done the needful as nature intended before coming to the gym that morning, there was still a little more work to be done.  

Then I heard someone yell behind me to my right “Mon dieu! Vite, courir!!” My God! Quick, run. 

I turned my head slightly to the right, just in time to catch the two French guys avec firm butts and their noses covered, beating a hasty retreat towards the doors of the gym area, with their firm butts disappearing out of sight.

I must have been in the “zone” when I was doing the squat, because I didn’t notice when they appeared behind me. And I do not know why they chose that moment to come to my section of the gym. There were other squat racks and gym equipment at the other far end of the vast gym floor, well away from the not so fragrant air around me.

Again I ask why do people walk into the room just after I have farted?  I am sure the answer can’t be blowing in the wind. 

This happened in June and I haven’t seen them since. 

It is now December

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My Blatino Oasis 2017 (NSFW)

I finally got my ass over to Palm Springs, California for the Blatino oasis gay event

late last month. Something I had been thinking of doing for the last 6 years but couldn’t, due to (in no particular order) work commitments, personal finances, weddings and a morbid fear of being used for target practice by a jacked up US law enforcement officer.

But I overcame all these obstacles and found myself in the sweltering Palm Springs desert heat of 36 degrees centigrade and looking forward to the entertainment,  lined up for the year’s Blatino gathering.

Here is a blurb from the website www.blatinooasis.com

Blatino Oasis is a retreat (not a pride event), started in 2007, and held annually in Palm Springs, California. The next event will be held April 27-April 30, 2017. The retreat offers a variety of activities geared towards gay and bisexual men of color and our friends & lovers, to help us to party, relax and enjoy ourselves, in the beautiful, very gay friendly and legendary Hollywood vacation resort getaway to the stars, Palm Springs, California.”

Passes for the activities are released 12 months in advance and the early bird passes sell out really quickly, so I purchased mine not too long after they were released last year.

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As is the norm for such events organised in the US, there is a host hotel, where most of the activities are held.Read More »

Brexit – A Case For Bubble Butts

Incase you haven’t heard, the United Kingdom will be voting in a referendum on June 23rd to decide whether to leave the European Union (EU) or to stay. This has been aptly termed “Brexit” to leave or “Bremain” to stay.

What brought this on? Since Britain joined the EU back in 1973, dissenting voices have always complained that they wanted to leave the community. They were (and are still) not happy with the EU laws and standards they had to subscribe to as a member country.  The idea of being ruled by anyone else other than themselves is abhorrent to them. Rule Britannia and all that.Read More »

Crap I Get On Grindr II

So there I was, (on a slow day at work) minding my own business trolling on FB – (Zuckerberg when will you roll out that poor substitute for a dislike button you call “Reaction buttons” into the UK?), when some guy liked a comment I made. He immediately sent me a friend request and in the spirit of ”Facebook friendship” and sheer boredom, I accepted his request.

To my utter surprise he immediately started a conversation on FB messenger (I suppose work was slow for him as well), but I didn’t respond immediately.  I checked his profile and saw he was friends with a good Jamaican friend of mine (yes I do have some bad Jamaican friends), named Peter. I asked Peter who the chap was and his response was far from complimentary.

Peter used choice words like “White dude who loves black dick”,”Patronising”, “Smarmy” , ”Ass-wipe” and finished off with “Bumbaclart”.

Like I said, It was slow at work and I had a few hours to kill before closing, so I decided to verify Peter’s colourful description of this guy and responded to the guy’s message and this is what transpired:

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Peter was on point with this guy’s description and then some. I really don’t care that he is a white, middle aged, rotund guy with bad teeth and flaky skin, fixated on Big Black Cock (BBC). In the pursuit of BBC he would sleep with any shape and manner of black guys and in most cases lose all manner of propriety and self-respect, like a crack addict after his fix. In other words  Any Black Will Do (ABWD).

From time to time, I come across white guys like him. They are prone to making racially offensive remarks, which are sadly overlooked by black guys in search of some form of socio-economic advancement. The thing is once people like this chap get away with this kind of behaviour and they think all other black guys are after the same thing and treat them with the same impudence.

I don’t think I have heard of how you gain working – let alone expert – knowledge of  the cultural behaviour of people from a certain country ,by getting on your knees and sucking them off. (Not even on your back;side or on all fours). Sadly I couldn’t sustain my indignation (or vomit) long enough to engage with this troglodyte, to begin to fathom why is his small mind works the way it does.  Still  I engaged, long enough for him to show his disdain for very people he claimed to like, especially those that don’t succumb to his unctuous advances.

But what I really want to know is how does a Nigerian writes differently from a “Native Brit”? And who are “Native Brits”? Are they exemplified by the Queen, who is actually German or the Prince of Wales who is Greek? (There goes my Knighthood).

Maybe they are the Bangladeshi community who own and run London Borough of Tower hamlets; or the wealthy middle-easterners what own most of Mayfair? Certainly not the Nigerians who own property and run businesses in Thamesmead aka Little Lagos?  Perhaps they can be found out in the countryside where they are threatened with extinction by the imminent influx of Syrian war refugees.

Someone please point me in the right direction.

PS: I should really rename this “Crap I Get On Social Media” shouldn’t I?