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Random Drivel

**This is just some inane drivel which like most of my posts isn’t intended to make sense**

I have given up all social media including Twitter, Facebook, Grindr and Scruff for lent. I was motivated by the Pope’s message on Ash Wednesday in which he encouraged Catholics to give up internet trolling and insulting others on social media for Lent.

I am not an internet troll, but on reflection I can see how snowflakes would consider me one, when I mildly challenge their keyboard proselytisation inspired by “real life” events garnered from the internet. And I am not a Catholic either, but I liked the pontiff in the movie The Two Popes.

I am not sure how my self-denial will play out come judgement day, but already I am seeing results here on earth. Since I no longer between exercise sets, check my Twitter/Facebook feeds for updates or copiously check Grindr to see who in the gym is on it, I have shaved 30 mins off the time I spend in the gym. Which means I pay more attention to my form and adhere more closely to the prescribed rest periods between exercises.

Another outcome of my decision is that I no longer have to charge my phone on a daily basis, thereby making less demand on the National electricity grid and power generation. Thus doing my little bit to help save the planet and maybe getting closer to giving Greta Thunberg cause to crack a smile.

Also staying off Grindr and Scruff, I am less tempted to hook up, ergo a reduced risk, albeit marginal, of catching the coronavirus.  I mentioned to a friend via Whatsapp, that as if I didn’t have enough self-imposed OCD-like barriers to discount potential hook ups, coronavirus was visited upon us.  In response he quipped that I had nothing to worry about since I wasn’t into Asians. 😳

You see in future I just might do something heroic (read stupid) and be thrust in the public spotlight. And in this day and age where there is an abundance of offense archaeologists who scour the internet looking – with the same rigour as Indiana Jones searching for the Lost Ark – for any smidgen of information to take out of context and bring someone down, I felt it necessary to correct my friend’s impression.

I told him in no uncertain terms, that I don’t choose my shags based on race, but rather on whether they have a bubble butt or not. My predilection for bubble butts, was simply just that, a predilection and it did not set out intentionally to exclude Asians. That most Asians are anatomically challenged in that area is not my fault and is a question he should take up with the Almighty. Something I find myself doing when I come across a handsome Asian guy with smooth skin, a ripped muscular body and no backside and I look up to heaven in despair and ask, “But God, why?”

To which he replied


Anyway, I am happy I sent that message, because not 48 hours after the exchange, my phone began to malfunction. I think it had an adverse reaction to my social media hiatus. I had to exchange my faulty phone for a new one and in the process had to erase all its content and settings. The service rep in the store assured me the old phone had been wiped clean.

Yeah right. Not according to all the CSI episodes, I have watched over the years where they in the process of  evidence gathering, routinely recreate the data from an erased phone. I just feel that the developers of the software that delete phone content, would have a line of code in the program to reverse the deletion.  Maybe I am just being paranoid.

Speaking of paranoia, I have noticed the number of guys averse to touching the door handle after doing their business in a public toilet and scrubbing their hands, has increased since the coronavirus malarkey.  Some guys hover around the door hoping someone else will come in and leave the door ajar long enough for them to scurry through without having to touch it. Alternatively, they reach for the part of the door handle – usually the top, where they hope no one else has touched, to let themselves out.

In my office washroom one guy lost his balance and fell over backwards while trying to catch the open door with his foot before it shut. He had a concussion when he hit his head on the tiled toilet floor and ended up in A&E where he could have been more exposed to the virus he was nimbly trying to avoid in the toilet.

I guess one way or another the virus was going to get him.

Anyway, till next time when I regale you with my struggles of  staying unplugged from social media during lent and a (potential) UK wide lock down, wash your hands frequently with soap and water for 20 seconds while singing Happy Birthday twice.






5 thoughts on “Random Drivel

  1. 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

    Odiegwu. I can understand social media fast but Grindr/sex fast? Nah. Is a big fat lie. 🤣🤣🤣

    People be acting like this virus is dropping bitches by the second but no be so. I honestly don’t get the panic. It’s not Ebola for christ sake 🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

    1. O ye of little faith. Your cynicism is duly noted.

      Please leave us in our panic. Prevention is better than cure! Our health care system cannot handle the projected casualties, maybe yours could for Ebola, hence your chill.😃

  2. This is a nice read, at first I was uncertain with the random drifting and deviation of subject, but then again its pleasant to read your experiences, its beautiful the wordplay you have going on. Make I do go get bubble butt.

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