Movie Review: God’s Own Country

God's Own Country

The last gay themed movie I saw without muscular guys dancing with their tops off in a night club and then copping off home with one or more guys to have wild drug induced sex all weekend, was Moonlight.

Unlike most gay films, God’s Own Country is not set in the concrete jungle of a big city, but rather it is set against a lush rural backdrop. You can almost breathe the fresh air as the camera pans over rich expanse of rambling fields of green grass in the foggy and wet English countryside. What’s more the film reminds us of how gays used to hook up back in the day sans mobile broadband network or Wifi.

Without giving much away, the film is about a gay farmer (Johnny) in the Yorkshire Pennines who manages to have hard, no strings attached sex with other guys without using modern technology (Read Grindr, Scruff, Instagram, Facebook, etc).

Then a Romanian worker (Gheorghe) who insists he’s not a Roma gypsy (which is a damn shame, because I have seen male Roma Gypsies around London they have bubble butts for days), arrives on the farm and an initial personality clash, they have aggressive sex halfway through a meal of hot Pot noodles. And just like that we get Brokeback Mountain on the Yorkshire dales.

Who knew Pot noodles was such a potent aphrodisiac?

 Romance blossoms between Johnny and Gheorghe as the latter teaches Johnny how to make love and not just have aggressive sex. A bit like how Khalessi tamed Aquaman Khal Drogo and taught him how to have sex in other positions, other than doggy style in Game of Thrones.

What happens when Johnny’s family find out? Does it end well? Is there a happy ending? As a film maker myself – I make home made porn – I understand only too well the displeasure of having the ending of my movie revealed to a non-paying audience, therefore I won’t reveal how the movie ends.

All I can say is that despite the story being told in an aggressive macho background with gratuitous showing of Organic British livestock- and I just don’t mean the grass fed cattle and sheep on the farm; there is a tender tale of love that is soul-stirring and the saliva lubricant sex scene could almost be forgiven.

Assuming my movie ratings counted for anything; I’d give the movie 4 out of 5 stars. Go see it if you can.

Meanwhile I am off to stock up on pot noodles 🏃🏿🏃🏿

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Sex, Drugs & Going Topless in London

Why do people text and walk at the same time on a busy road? (I should know this one, I do it all the time)

Why does my bank allow their counter staff go on lunch break between 12pm – 2pm, when it is the peak time for customer visits?

In Starbucks, why do they ask for my name and write it down on the cup when taking my order, but never call my name out when my order is ready. Instead they call out the name of the drink?

In a long queue in a cake shop, why oh why, do people never know what they want until they get to the till and then when it comes to paying they start fumbling around for the cash?

Why don’t smokers have cigarette lighters?

Why is there a scarcity of tops in London? Read More »

MUSCLE BASHING

I really do not consider myself  “muscled”. My weight and body definition varies depending on the amount of cakes I have consumed the previous week.  I go the gym a fair amount and from past posts, you would have perceived that I like me some muscle in bed.

Yes, I love muscled guys. I like their rippled abs, bulging pecs, their strong muscular thighs encircling my waist when in the missionary position and the view of their wide sinewy backs tapering into a slim waist, while slamming their muscled bubble butts when I take it home doggy style………Hmmmm.Read More »