It is summer here in the UK and for some humans, it becomes uncomfortable to breathe. At this time hay fever sufferers are hit hard with symptoms such as – frequent sneezing, runny/blocked nose, watery eyes and cough – to mention a few, caused by high pollen count in the air. The pollen is so rife that TV weather forecasts contain pollen count reports. Having grown up in Nigeria, I associate the symptoms with a slight cold or catarrh and therefore quite easy to get over.
For years I rolled my eyes unsympathetically on coming across anyone claiming they suffered from hay fever. I always felt they were making a federal case out of a common cold. And if I so much as stifled a sneeze around them, they would look at me with the same anticipation as a born-again Christian would their unbeliever friend they brought to Church on Sunday, hoping they’d answer the Pastor’s call to Christ and be welcomed into the Christian fold. But I could see the dejection on their faces when I confidently assure them that I don’t suffer from hay fever while thinking to myself that hay fever is for wussies.
But now it is summer 2020, the Chinese year of the COVID and my attitude has changed. Now when I sneeze, I proudly claim, for all to hear and with joy of a newly born again Christian, that I am a hay fever sufferer!!😀
Speaking of COVID – 19, I thought attitudes towards casual sexual encounters would change at least at the onset of the pandemic and nationwide lockdown.
The gays being the creatives that we are, quickly adapted to the situation and held online Zoom wank parties. In lockdown week 1 I got invited to one and though I was flattered by the invitation, the idea of shooting my wad off in front of 150 other strangers without getting paid, didn’t quite appeal to me. So, I politely declined with a link to my onlyfans page.😇
For some people averse to virtual methods of getting off, they acquired “Quarantine/Lockdown buddies”. Essentially in a sexual context, this is when two new fuckbuddies who don’t live together arrange to hunker down together for the duration of the lockdown.
I may have come across such an arrangement, when during the “Stay at Home” phase of the lockdown, I went for a walk as part of the government one hour daily outdoor exercise allowance. I soon clocked a gay couple (they were both sashaying in short shorts and one had a nice ass) walking a dog, about 10 meters ahead of me. Coincidentally, I had come to the point of my exercise where I felt I had to elevate my heart rate so I increased my pace (of course getting a closer look at the nice ass was furthest from my mind) and as I walked past them (while maintaining the Government recommended 2 meter distance between us) and from their conversation, it would appear they had just met a few hours ago. One of them was telling the other what his daily morning routine was. This wasn’t something you talk about if you had been living together for a reasonable period of time. Had they just met two weeks into the lockdown and had sex? I was going to stop and ask, but for some reason my feet had a mind of their own, and took evasive action and quickly got me out of earshot.
Some other guys still carried on as if there was no pandemic. A friend recently told me about how another friend called him from an orgy. It wasn’t clear why he called my friend, but he may have been high or something and wanted to invite him to the orgy but bottled out from the disapproving tone in my friend’s voice. My friend got the impression that there was at least 10 guys at the orgy and wondered why people would be so reckless with their lives and that of others, with all that was going on? Question for the psychologists and behavioural scientists me thinks.🤷🏾♂️
The straights were at it as well. A young lady who lives across the street, a few doors from mine had the same gentleman caller spend the night twice in as many weeks in the early phase of the lockdown. I know this because there was a conspicuous Porsche Panamera which I had never seen before in the street, parked in front of her house. On the first occasion she escorted him to his car and gave him a passionate kiss goodbye. So much for “Stay home, Protect the NHS, Save lives”.
Speaking of the NHS, remember my neighbour who greeted me in his underwear show casing his good-sized derriere in the process? I wanted to thank him privately for his sacrifice. Well he and his girlfriend have had friends over to their house at different times during the lockdown. With loud music and laughter blaring out of from their place, it is hard to believe they all kept two metres apart from each other. I have since withdrawn my fantasy invitation for a private session with him to show him my gratitude for his work with the NHS. His loss.😒
But one can’t really stand in judgement, when it has since emerged that the lead scientist on the scientific committee that advised the UK government to impose the lockdown, (Professor Lockdown) had his married lover over a few times in the early stages of the lockdown. He promptly resigned after the news broke.
Perhaps on account of Professor Lockdown’s horniness, earlier this week the Government technically criminalised sex between one or more people who belong to different households. A piece of legislation that should have been introduced at the beginning of the pandemic. But I think they were relying on citizens to use their “common sense”. These are the same citizens who have to be instructed to remove all packaging before cooking food items…but hey.😎
The last person I hooked up with just before the lockdown began, was a ruggedly handsome, twenty something, Antipodean city worker. He was sporty, in great shape, with a nice bum and was especially dexterous in bed.
Maybe because I am closer to the age bracket classed as being vulnerable to COVID- 19 than he is, he reached out to me to check on how I was holding up during the lockdown. I thought that was nice of him. Though we shagged twice and the sex was good and there was potential for a few more sexual encounters had the whole coronavirus shit not been real, to me the association – as self-absorbed as this may sound- hadn’t reached the point where it would cross my mind to check up on him. (Must do better).
However, it transpired that I wasn’t the only self-absorbed one in this pre-acquaintanceship. We were in lockdown week 3, Prime Minister Boris Dishevel Johnson had just been discharged from hospital for COVID-19 and the Government had just announced a 3-week extension to the lockdown. Aussiebum said he didn’t know how he was going to cope without sex for another 3 weeks and if I wanted to hook up? I applied my common sense (someone had to) and told him that it would be irresponsible to hook up under the current situation and suggested he invested in a dildo or one of those anal prostate massaging gadgets. He replied that my suggestion was a bit extreme. To which I responded that it wasn’t as extreme as lying prone in a Covid-19 hospital ward on a ventilator.
No reply. It is now Lockdown week 12.
I am not sure when I will venture out there again for casual sex and what extra precautions I might take. Already, I have found a few Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) themed videos on Pornhub, but I don’t really fancy having sex in a hazmat suit with an opening in the crotch area. Maybe I will insist on a temperature checks and hand sanitizer use when shags arrive? Or maybe I will just get on with it and hope for the best? I don’t know.
But for now, as for me and my dick we will stay at home getting to know each other better at home and continue praise the Lord.🙏🏾🙏🏾