Sex · Social Commentary

When Does Sexual Fantasy Become Offensive?

Is it really necessary to racially vocalise one’s sexual desire in the heat of the moment? For example, while happily pounding away on a guy’s arse, he moans “Fuck me harder with your big black dick”. Now that turned me off for three reasons:

1) It sounded like I was in a low budget porn movie from the 80’s in VHS format;

2) His butt hole felt like it had done some serious mileage and it was not gripping my supposedly “big black dick”, so he had seen larger. (Black or otherwise). So he was lying!

3) I don’t like being objectified racially.

I promptly lost my “big black erection” and asked him to leave. No explanation, nothing. I wasn’t in the mood to give a lecture or get into a debate.

Ok, I might have over reacted a bit , but I wouldn’t be shagging a Brazilian and say, “I love fucking your Latin American ass”.  It’s just not me. Or that time I met a mixed race guy who linked his parentage to Algeria, France, Italy and Zimbabwe. I could have said, “Oh I like fucking your tight French, Algerian, Italian-Zimbabwean ass.” – You see poor dialogue. Cheesy!!! Nice ass though!

Yes, we are all attracted to men from different races. Nothing wrong with that, but we don’t need to vocalise it in the middle of sex.  Sometimes I wonder if guys say “I love being fucked by your big fat xxxxx* cock”, because they mean it or it is something they feel they need to say.  You can think it, but please don’t say it. It may make you honest, but not necessarily make you a better person.  A passion killer – definitely!!!

(*Side bar –Replace xxxxx with any race/country you like. Though I am told Indian or Chinese would not quite work…..I guess that is for another blog post )

As I have said before, so long as the ass is bubble, firm, clean and attached to an athletic or muscular body, I am down for whatever – safely! I don’t care if it is black, white, grey, yellow, green, red, purple or blue. (Hmm hold that thought. Some of those Navi men in Avatar were pretty hot….). 

Please don’t get me wrong –  I am proud of my colour, heritage and all that comes with it. I would not have it any other way.  As a means of generic description, please use it, but not while we are shagging (no matter what your race is), there is a time and place and that is not the time. That is when sexual fantasy can become offensive.

Online too, I get the same thing. I don’t mind guys stating their racial preferences in their profiles: “Blacks only”, “Asians only”, “No whites please”, ”Thai boys only” or “Smurfs only need apply” It’s a preference, it’s a free website, you can say what you like and it gets straight to the point and we know where we all stand.

But I find that guys a different race than me, who don’t state what their racial preferences are, find it necessary to tell me they like black cock once we start chatting.  Not sure if that is to flatter me, but my reaction is usually to find the “block” and “delete” icons.

I guess what I am trying to say is racial objectification during sex is not necessary. It can take away from the essence of the casual encounter. By the time both people are naked in bed, it would be pretty obvious what colour skin they both are. No need to gush all over it – like the dick/ass for what it can do, not for its colour.

And its not just racial objectification, apparently there might be a religious fantasy thing going on as well.  Someone contacted me online last weekend and said, “How would you like to fuck some Jewish ass?”

Block and delete……….

8 thoughts on “When Does Sexual Fantasy Become Offensive?

  1. I think the success of a bedroom encounter can be as much about what happens in the head as what happens to the body. One person’s hot fantasy can be another person’s chill nightmare! Vocalising when in agreement could be a recipe for a repeat performance. But when not on the same wavelength it can be a disaster. It’s not unreasonable to expect that the decision to get involved in inter-racial sex may have something to do with the fact it is inter-racial. To find that an absolute turn-off implies denial! You can be valued for who you are or just used for what you are. With a casual encounter its more likely you will be used. If you don’t like the language of that particular marketplace, don’t sell yourself in it.

    1. Thanks Simon for your comment. Lets be clear, the post was not condemning inter-racial sex. Infact it emphatically promotes it. What it addresses is incessant vocalisation of race on the run up to, or during sex. Like you say if it is in agreement, then its fine – but one wonders who agrees to that. I doubt very much anyone goes for a casual encounter looking to be “valued”; that would come later if something develops from the initial encounter. Saying that one should not sell himself in a particular marketplace, if he does not like the language being used; would imply that such language use is permissible, even though lets face it, in the heat of the moment could turn derogatory.

      1. @keredim.I totally agree with simon. It is common knowledge that 95% of white guys in the London gay scene have a black dick fetish BBC. That is one of the reasons why I prefer to stick to my own kind. On the other hand, I think it is rather hypocritical for you to fantacise about a “bubble, firm and clean ass attached to an athletic or muscular body” and take offence with a white guy that wants a ” BBC” . Casual encounters are all about fantasies/fetishes & preferences aren’t they?. There is absolutely nothing passionate about a casual encounter. Perhaps next time you focus more on tapping and getting a nut from the firm bubble butt, and let him get his BBC. That strikes the balance.

        1. Good luck to you if you feel my preference for bubble, firm and clean ass attached to an athletic or muscular body, is similar to racial profiling. 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

    2. No offence but how does the sexualised definition of black men which is fetishized by other races become acceptable merely because it’s a white gay man’s “hot fantasy”?

      Simon’s comment trivialises and erases the experience of gay black men in London and the UK generally. Truth be told, statements in the heat of coitus which refer to a participants race usually have racist components or promote stereotypes that are not necessarily true/respectful. i was once told by a Caucasian to “Suck his dick like the little black boy that i was”. In what universe would a sane human being enjoy a comment that was so obviously derogatory?

      I regularly get messages like: “looking for a big black cock (BBC for those in the know) to fuck a virgin mercilessly”, “looking to suck a BBC” amongst others but following Simon’s logic, i shouldn’t have been selling myself on that particular market place (Grindr) perhaps would have been a wiser/safer choice.

      Stating that the decision to have interracial sex can be attributed to it’s interracial nature, is in itself problematic especially as regards black men as it’s usually a result of the most neurotic imagining of inter-racial sex (Usually with the black man usually playing the role of aggressor/violent dominator).

      Finally, while my opinions might seem slightly militant; it is necessary to embrace all opportunities to stress the fact that black men aren’t just walking dildos with which white gay men may pleasure themselves with at will (a lot of white gay men in West London still haven’t learnt this lesson).

  2. We’re all the same colour with the lights turned off….but then again: if you’re on a beach in broad daylight…or under the glare of stage lights…colour does become an obvious factor!

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