I like having massages, especially sports massage, which helps prevent injuries and alleviate Delay Onset of Muscular Soreness (DOMS) in certain parts of the body, which maybe caused by sports or regular gym workouts.
I am also partial to a relaxing massage every now and then, especially on holiday. Examples include Ayurveda, Swedish, Hot stone, Thai and Oil massages. During some of them, especially the oil and Ayurveda ones, things could rise to the fore, and depending on the local tradition a satisfactory conclusion is customary. At least that is what they told me in Kuala Lumpur and Tokyo during a lomi-lomi massage. So not being one to cause offense and disrespect local customs…
Anyway, during a recent holiday trip to Phuket, Thailand I decided to get a Thai massage. I have had them before on a trip to Bangkok years ago. This type of massage works your entire body. It’s one of the most invigorating types of massages, as the masseur rigorously manipulates your body, moving it into yoga-like stretches. (It’s sometimes referred to as “Yoga for the lazy”.) The masseur uses every part of his or her body—hands, knees, legs, and feet—to not only stretch you but also apply pressure on your muscles and loosen your joints. You might even get walked on! This type of massage is both energizing and at times, relaxing. Also having one in Thailand is cheap. For a fraction of the price I’d pay for one in London, I can have one every day for 7 days.
I decided to try a gay massage place called Blue Dolphin. I checked out the website (click here) and the prices were very reasonable. They were located in the gay area in Phuket about a 15 minute walk away from my hotel located near Patong beach. The Patong beach area is not bereft of Thai massage parlours. There is one for every budget. You have masseurs, usually female or Trans women, holding massage menus calling out “Massas, massas” at tourists strolling the streets, to come for a massage.
They frequently called out “Chocolate massas” as I walked past. (For some reason images of my body being smothered with chocolate and then massaged, did not come to my mind whenever I heard that).
Some actually reached out and touched me sometimes trying to pull me into their parlour. I suppose they had targets to meet hence aggressive marketing strategy.
In addition to dodging Tut- tut drivers asking if wanted to hire one and suit makers looking for my custom, I had to walk through this obstacle course of enthusiastic masseurs to get to the Blue dolphin. On my arrival, I was offered some refreshing tea and shown the massage menu and a picture album of the available masseurs. The pictures showed the faces of the masseurs similar to what they have on their website. They looked quite young bordering on pubescent. I chose to have a Traditional Thai massage and from the album I chose a massage therapist I thought looked, older than the rest and masculine. I paid the 490Bahts fee for an hour’s massage.
My chosen masseur showed me to a room with an en suite a shower. Like I said, I have had a few Thai massages, before and couldn’t quite remember being asked to have a shower before the massage. Perhaps this was a Thai gay custom. I obliged. I had a quick shower, dried off but kept my underwear on.
I got on the massage table lying on my stomach as instructed by the masseur and he got to work on my back. Like I said, I have had Thai massages before and the masseur starts off applying soft pressure, but goes hard and deep about 10 minutes into the treatment, which is something I enjoy. This guy just was stuck on soft mode for 20minutes. I had to ask him to apply more pressure and go deep, which he did tentatively and reverted back to soft mode.
As well as my back he also worked (or shall I say “caressed” on account of the amount of pressure) on the back of my legs and seemed to linger a lot on my glutes, brushing my balls as he “kneaded” my hamstrings.
About half way through the session, he asked me to turn around and lie on my back. This I did as he took off his top. Ok I didn’t quite remember any previous Thai massages where the masseur took off their to. It wasn’t as if he worked up a sweat or anything. Again I shrugged, closed my eyes and put it down to custom.
He started with my arms, my chest, my abs, thankfully skipped my nether region and worked on my legs. While working on my upper thighs, his hands kept brushing my dick. I usually wouldn’t think anything of this, but he brushed far too many times for a Thai massage session. If he was expecting a reaction, it just wasn’t going to happen. Usually my dick and my brain have different thought processes, but on this occasion they both thought the same – “Not today, Chai son”. There was no part of me that was moved by this slender frame. He might be “buff” in Thailand, but he was “skinny” in south London.
Towards the end of the session, he attempted to contort my body as is done during this type of massage, but it was a lacklustre attempt as was most of the session. So much for the professional Traditional Thai massage advertised on the website.
My session ended and though the website said tipping was optional and how much tip was given was entirely up to the customer, I still tipped him despite getting a prosaic massage.
He refused the tip. ‘Good’,I thought. He knew the massage wasn’t satisfactory and being a professional of sorts, felt the service he rendered was not deserving of a tip. Boy was I wrong. He felt the tip was inadequate.
As a rule when I tip, I give between 10 – 15% of the cost of a meal/service. In his case I gave 10% – 50bahts. I asked him how much he wanted and he said at least 300bahts. I was too stunned to argue with the guy. I suppose the expectation was that since I was a tourist, I should be awash with money and therefore pay over the odds for a bland service. I looked into my wallet and all I had left was 100bahts. So I tipped him 150bahts which he grudgingly accepted.
As soon as I got to my hotel room, I checked Blue dolphin website again. Their tip policy (click here) states that tips though welcomed were optional. Amount tipped was entirely at the customer’s discretion and any masseur that demanded a tip should be reported to management.
I e-mailed management expressing my displeasure at the masseur’s attitude despite offering a less than impressive massage. I got a response back from management in which the manager apologized for the masseur’s behaviour and asked me how much tip I offered in the first place.
I responded saying it was 50bahts. He replied saying that 50bahts was an insult and that I was lucky I came to his establishment, had I gone somewhere else and offered an abysmal tip like that, I would have been hurt.
He further stated that it was a gay establishment, and that if I want a cheap and cheerful massage, I should go to the ladies on the street.
Bitch threw shade!!
I responded, that because the Blue Dolphin was a gay establishment didn’t mean he and his staff should lure unsuspecting clients with false advertisement and give lousy massages ending with unsolicited and uninspired hand jobs.
I added that they probably had a sense of entitlement because they get Farangs (Thai term for Caucasian tourists) some of who wouldn’t know a good professional massage if it bent them over and fucked them in the ass, coming through the door and feel they are in heaven and tip heavily because some pubescent looking guy with bad teeth touched them up for an hour.
I didn’t get a response back from him.
PS, I did indeed try the massage parlours on the street. They were marginally cheaper than blue dolphin but gave very massages. Trust me; I got what I wished for. They massaged deep and pulled, stretched and walked over my back. Most of all they gave service with a smile and lots of gratitude.