So its my last day in my village, near Owerri, Nigeria. After four days, no kinsman or woman has asked me the dreaded marriage question.
I thought I had a lucky escape, until I popped into an Aunt’s shop to tell her I would be leaving the tomorrow morning and to give her some money.
She thanked me profusely for the cash. Then blessed me. She then got on her knees and said, “Please, please find a wife. Please I am begging you in the name of God, please.”
I replied, “Please Aunty, get up. I have heard you. I will see what I can do.”
She got up.
“Oh are you looking for one over there in England? She seemed to ask with disdain in her voice.
“Ah, ah Aunty, does it matter where she comes from?”
“That’s true but It is better if she hails from these parts”
I wanted to say “Seriously? You have been asking me to get married, for the last 20 years to no avail, and now you are suggesting where the wife should come from?! You don’t ask for much do you? And they say beggers can’t be choosers” But I kept my peace.
Instead I said, “But aunty at my age, I don’t think I want to get married any more”
“Eh?!” She screamed. Her face looked like someone had stabbed her in the heart. “Don’t say that. There is a 70 year old man in the next kindred, who is looking for a young wife. You are a man. You can even marry at 70”
“I have been praying for you. I prayed for you this morning that a good woman will come your way, In Jesus Name”
As if on cue, like the ram that appeared to Abraham when God decided ,Abraham’s son Isaac, wouldn’t taste as good as a free range ram, a lean muscular guy in his early twenties wearing a pair of Hawaiian shorts and a singlet,showing off his sinewy arms, walked into the shop. He had the kind of musculature you don’t get from going to the gym; rather from good old fashioned hard labour on the farm or a building site.
Sigh. Behold the “Good woman”.
I was about to say, “Hallelujah, God has answered your prayer, Aunty” when I noticed he was wearing eyeliner and when he spoke it was with a very high pitch voice.
No way Ms Thang!!!
Technically, God did answer my aunt’s prayer, just not the sexuality she was expecting.
I think God was having a laugh.