Comedy · Facebook · Social Commentary

Twitter:Follow Back Or My Dick Falls Off

I am not sure when I will get the hang of social media, but I seem to have fallen foul again of another “rule”, this time it is not with Facebook. but with Twitter.

A few weeks ago, I got a standard Twitter notification that someone had started following my account. I looked at the new follower’s account and for no reason at all, other than he didn’t look hot on his profile picture and all his tweets consisted of copious amounts of dick & ass pics, I did not follow him back.

Twitter Follow me

However within 5 mins my new follower sent a tweet asking me to follow him back. I have had this kind of request before from two other followers and I found them quite insolent and did not respond to them. This time I decided to respond after he sent the same tweet again 25 minutes later.

Here is the Twitter exchange between us:

Naijabwoy (Nb): Follow me back.

Me: What is the magic word?

Nb: What do you mean?

Me: “Follow me back………”

Nb: I don’t understand…

Me: “Follow me back, p…….”

Nb: Lol. Follow me back, please

Me: Thank you. Can I think about it?

Nb: Why? I have been following you for the last 30 mins.

Me: Dude, it is not by force.

Nb: What’s your problem?

Me: Following back is not an obligation. I decide whom to follow.

Nb: Your Iyanga is too much (Meaning I am stuck up)

Me: Thank you. I am taking tablets for that.

Nb: You are rude as well.

Me: I am taking something for that too.

Me: What would happen if I don’t follow you back? Will your teeth fall out?

Nb: I will unfollow you.

Me: And this affects me, how?

Fool stopped following me.

Meme Naked men follow me

I hate to say this and I am not trying to create a stereotype or anything, but I find that the only people who insist I follow them back on Twitter are my fellow Nigerians and I don’t get it? Its there a monetary incentive for having a large number of followers or is it a status thing? And why is it so important?

I also find the sense of entitlement conveyed within the requests annoying. I know there are only 140 characters allowed per Tweet, but manners on Twitter only cost 2 or 3 characters. We can shorten “Please” to “Pls” or even “Pl” – use them!!!

I thought following someone on Twitter was based on whether you found what they had to say interesting and not based on reciprocity. For example, I may follow Beyonce, (not so much Kanye West) because I want to know where she might be making an appearance in my area, but I do not expect her (actually her people) to follow me back simply because I followed her account.

Knowing my luck someone may report me for not following back and I will get a warning from Twitter admin. Until then or if someone can prove to me they would be in mortal danger if I don’t follow them back, I will continue to exercise my Twitter given right to decide which one of my followers I choose to follow back.

11 thoughts on “Twitter:Follow Back Or My Dick Falls Off

  1. This got me laughing.You gave him d perfect reply for all d comments he made jare.But some people sha…………….na wa.

      1. I like your style of response to the twat, sorry to say, , mature with no bitchiness. Dudes should learn from you how to handle or discourse with imbeciles like the above.

  2. Safe to assume, anyone who’d rather spell “boy” as “Bwoy” would be pesky and insolent at the very least.

  3. LOL! Demanding for follow backs on Twitter – a phenomenon since 1976. Somewhere in those 140 characters, a simple ‘Kindly’ or ‘Please’ attached to ‘Follow back’ goes a long way to getting you what you want.

  4. Tbh, I don’t get it either. It strikes me as insecure – “God forbid that I’m the only one panting after you like a lovesick puppy; you too pant after me, abi am I not worth it?”


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