How To Make New Friends On Facebook….Or Not!!

I just got slapped by Facebook…AGAIN. I seem to fall foul of their ever changing rules which I don’t take time to read and I am yet to meet anyone who does either. It all suspiciously started not long after my blog post The fabulous life on Facebook. I wrote another blogpost that appeared on my timeline on facebook with a picture of a nice juicy phallus. The custodians of morality at Facebook Support Dashboard – FBSD (The acronym makes them sound like the secret service), removed the entry from my timeline because allegedly some self-righteous Mary Whitehouse wannabe found the picture offensive and reported it.

I did a quick search for “Phallus’ on facebook and there is a plethora of entries and pictures on the topic still very much alive. Why FBSD picked on me is a mystery. Like Princess Elsa in Frozen, I Let It Go as it was only a cock pic, so long as they cannot touch the real thing. And it could have been worse; I could have been receiving 50 lashes weekly for that infringement if I were in Saudi Arabia. However, like a third world government state security service looking for members of a pro democracy movement, the FBSD have come knocking again. And what did I do wrong? – I sent friend requests to People I didn’t know?! I thought the raison d’être of facebook was to get people connected on a social level. It would make sense for users to reach out to people who are friends of friends for example, to expand their network of friends. The more users get connected on Facebook, the more time they spend on it reading each others comments and having conversations. In the process, the users will notice the subliminal adverts at the corner of the screen on space, which has been pimped out by facebook, and the users click on the link and the advertisers (and facebook) are laughing to the bank. Rather than users trawling through other friends’ friend lists to find out people they may want to be friends with, Facebook have come up with the innovative and questionably selfless, idea of suggesting “People you may know”. This suggestion shows up on a user’s timeline and it is basically profiles of other users who have mutual friends with the user. This saves time allowing the user more time to click on adverts. I use this feature and click away shamelessly, especially when the profile has a picture of a hot guy or someone I have seen around that I want to shag!! Now the FBSD sent me a list of people who have rejected my friend requests (I am ashamed to say it is a very long list) and they have warned me to only send friend requests to people I know? So tell me, please how am I supposed to make new friends? I also contest the integrity of the list, because it contains the names of two guys that I do know but have no backside whatsoever and I wouldn’t touch them with a dildo attached at the end of barge pole. So why would I engage them by sending them friend requests?? So FBSD if you are reading this (and I am sure you are) while you are thinking of some other spurious reason to rap my knuckles, I would like you to – and you will probably kill my profile after this- Kiss My Phyne Black Arse!!!!