It has been about 3 weeks into lent and my self-imposed abstinence from sex has been going well. I thought I would be having countless cold showers everyday to quell my urges but this has not been the case. Which is just as well considering the arctic temperature we have been having in England, despite it being spring. Thankfully work has kept me so busy, that when I get home, I am too tired to think about sex. I have had a few quiet moments for reflection (It is lent after all) and I have thought about my fuck buddies who wanted exclusivity in our arrangement and now I ask the question “When does a fuck buddy become a boyfriend?”
Is there a requisite number of fuck sessions? Is there a trigger word that is muttered to give the impression that one wants something more? Is there a certain way one throws it down that screams, “I want a relationship”?
A good chunk of my hook ups originate from gay websites and I state clearly on my profile, along with my preferred sexual position and body types – that I am looking for a No Strings Attached (NSA) hook up. Put bluntly I just want a “fuck and go” session. It could be a one off session or regular sessions but it starts and ends in the boudoir.
I am not as emotionally detached as I sound – I do engage in the perfunctory, albeit boring small talk before and after sex, but nothing in my opinion that gives the impression that I want a relationship with the other person. We would chat about the weather, what’s on the news, and how our day or week had been. But the chitchat would not last more than 10 mins then we disrobe and the games begin.
There was this guy I had met a few times and after sex on the third meeting, he suggested that we start dating. Reason? The sex was awesome, we were both single and we both liked a particular TV series. In my mind I thought those were not good enough reasons and what happens when the TV series comes to an end? I told him I just got out of a relationship and was healing. I was not emotionally available.
Of course, the next time he wanted to hook up, I was no longer available sexually – I figured it would be awkward meeting him again and thinking at the back of my mind, he might be hoping I would relent and go out with him.
At least this was not as bad as my friend, whose fuck buddy arranged a Valentine’s Day surprise for him a few years ago. The fuck buddy felt after about five sex dates he had met “the one”. He arranged for a gaggle of drag queens to serenade my friend in a bar – Think a flash mob comprising drag queens. My friend, the gentleman that he is, took it all in his stride, smiling and gushing throughout the entire performance; he excused himself to go to the gents and never came back. Fuck buddy was left hanging, with the drag queens probably singing “Where Do Broken Hearts Go”
I thought this only happened with single guys until I met John online. He told me how he had to be discreet as he was in a relationship and living with his partner of 8 years and did not want him finding out. This suited me fine as it meant that there would no chance he would want us to be exclusive and this would be truly a proper NSA tryst. I was wrong.
About a month and four shag dates later, I found out through another fuck buddy (courtesy of a post-coital chit-chat) that John was spreading word that we were an item. What happened to being discreet and not wanting his partner to know?
When I asked John about it, he confessed that he had feelings for me and he discussed this with only his best friend, who subsequently told another best friend and so on. You know what they say: “You haven’t had a good fuck until you have told your best friend ”. I promptly brought the liaison to an end and that was that.
I really do not want to keep reminding my fuck buddies that its just sex. I mean when do you have the conversation? Before, during or after shafting? It is an awkward conversation to have. At best it is a passion killer and at worst I think it makes me look like a knob head and up my own arse. I expect all participants to read the label on the tin – No Strings Attached!
I think after lent I will impose a three-shag rule………