The Real Sexual Racism

Warning: This blog post is not going to be popular!!

Sexual racism the phrase has been around for a while, (I am always late to join the party), but it seems to be making a resurgence, it might be the next “hot topic” or “cause”. It is the main feature of latest issue of the GMFA FS magazine http://www.gmfa.org.uk/londonservices/fsmagazine/index. There is also a website dedicated to sexual racism primarily against Asians http://www.sexualracismsux.com

Does sexual racism really exist or has someone coined a phrase to earn a PhD?

In the urban dictionary, Sexual racism is defined as Sexual discrimination based on race in a personal ad (internet) specifically”.  So a profile on a gay social networking websites with the words “No blacks”, “No Asians” or “No Whites” is deemed sexually racist and considered negative and hurtful to the excluded race.

Denying a group of people from public places because of the colour of their skin, as was the status quo in apartheid South Africa, that is racism.

Sexual Racism

Being passed over for promotion in the work place due to the colour of the skin  – that is racism.

A black footballer pelted with bananas during a football match – that is racism.  Serbian Football fans making monkey noises when a black football player is passed the football – that is racism. (UEFA giving Serbian football association a meager fine of £65,000 for allowing such monkey chants by the Serbia fans that is condoning racism)

The Dutch and Belgian Christmas tradition of Sinterklass & Zwarte Piet – that is racism (with a hint of paedophilia)

Communicating either by inclusion or exclusion, a desired race for a sexual encounter on a gay website, where over 80% of the profiles do not bear the real names of the said profile owner and sometimes not his real image, is stating a preference.

Appending the word “Sexual” to “racism” trivialises the hard struggle for racial equality.

Don’t get me wrong. The words ‘No black’, “No Asians” and ‘’No whites’ are wrong – when used in situations that infringes on basic human rights, like proper education, finding a job, finding a place to live, etc. But when used on a gay social networking site used predominantly for having sex, this hardly threatens the existence of the individual and I am sure the “offended” party can live without having sex for a while.

The aforementioned website prescribes ways in which such preferences can be stated in a less hurtful manner, thus rejection becoming less hurtful and traumatic.  For example, rather then stating “No Whites” the profile can say, “ I am more comfortable with Black men”. Such phrasing is considered as less hurtful and would soften the blow of rejection.

Firstly on line, a person only gets rejected when they contact another person and he gets turned downed and not before.  So in order not to suffer the excruciating pain of rejection online, do not send a message to someone who clearly does not like your ethnic group, or you will get rejected either by way of damning silence or a rude rebuttal.

Secondly, whether a person says ‘No whites’ or “I am more comfortable with black men” the impact is the same – Rejection. It will hit you sooner or later and trust me you will get over it!! It will not kill you and it will only make you stronger.

The profile writer knows what he likes in bed and in this example its not White or Asian people. The writer has his reasons, for not wanting to have sex with a certain race and I don’t think he should be classed as sexually racist.  I don’t like chems, does that make me a sexual chem(ist)?? It is his loss for not being open minded or he may have had a bad experience with that ethnic group. So just suck it up and move on to the next profile.

I just think whichever way it is done, stating one’s preferences upfront saves time and future disappointment. You take what you want from it. For me, as I have ranted blogged before earlier in February, in the post “When does sexual fantasy become offensive?” http://wp.me/p25b9a-Y, if a profile explicitly declares a preference for a race other than their own, it may invariably lead to Sexual racial objectification in bed, which I find annoying. So I avoid such profiles. But that is just me.

If a profile uses derogatory terms to describe a race, e.g. using the N word, then I would say that is racism and its not sexual. But from my personal experience the proprietors of the website, may not even see it as that.

Last year I was in Berlin on a short weekend break. I was chatting with a Turkish guy on gayromeo and when he realized I wasn’t going to hook up with him, he became racially abusive towards me and used some racially derogatory words.  I don’t know what annoyed me more, the fact that I was racially abused; or the fact that the abuse came for a Turkish immigrant in Germany telling me to ‘go back to Africa where I come from’.

I reported the incident through the proper gayromeo abuse reporting channels by sending them the history of the conversation. They came back saying that they did not see the comments as racists and that I should block the guy’s profile. No further action was taken.   So there you have it, if they won’t take the use of racially offensive words seriously how much more “No blacks’ written on a profile?

Another thing I have noticed about “Sexual Racism” is that it tends to be commited by Caucasian males online.  This suggests that Black or Asian males do not commit “Sexual racism”. Well this is hardly the case. I know a white guy who loves black men and he set up a profile on BGC – Black Gay Chat. Poor child, the sins of his ancestors, rightly or wrongly was visited upon him.Needless to say, he was taken to school and read within an inch of his life by members of BGC, he deleted his profile within a few hours. He complained to me and though I sympathized with him, I did point out that the clue was in the name of the website.

However a Caucasian profile expressing interest in another race other than the Caucasian race is not deemed as sexually racist towards other Caucasians.  Maybe we should then coin a phrase for such people and set up a website applauding  “Sexual positive affirmation action”?

I understand what the creators of the phrase “Sexual Racism” are trying to express and their intentions are noble. However, I don’t think “Sexual Racism” is the right term to use. The fact is there are thousands of profiles out there that exclude races the same way they exclude body types, fetishes and so on.  It is not being sexually racist; it is just stating a preference.

I did say this blog post was not going to be popular

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7 thoughts on “The Real Sexual Racism

  1. okay, where to begin…?
    maybe let me start from the end: You say you noticed “sexual racism tends to be committed by caucasian males online”.
    And then you say, this is hardly the case. So which one is it?

    Let´s just leave the point of your argument aside for a moment whether or not the term “sexual racism” is appropriate, but these sort of statements are done by all sorts of people across all races on any given website.

    Anyhow, back to the main issue: Whatever you want to call it, but for lack of a better term, let´s just stick to sexual racism, I do not agree with your argument.
    Yes, you are right in saying that it does not infringe on the basic human rights of anyone if someone expresses their preference, or a dislike, for a certain race in their profile. However, it is the way HOW that preference or dislike is being expressed.

    Personally, I do find these statements offensive to some degree (even though not personally) and ultimately it indicates a certain amount of racism of that person in my opinion.

    More so, it shows a significant amount of ignorance and narrowmindedness of the owner of that profile.

    Yes, yes, one could just move on to the next profile you will say (and I most certainly do. I´m not going online to educate someone about broadening their horizon on a gay hook up site), but there is a part of me that thinks ‘what an idiot!’

    And that is MY point: There are too many of these narrow minded idiots out there! Because if they have this kind of thinking ingrained within them, to the point that it even transcends to a superficial medium as a gay sex site, then one can only imagine what their approach to certain races is in their every day life.

    What I am trying to say is that people should THINK before they write!

    The way I deal with online communication is that I am trying to do it in the same manner as I would do in real life, talking to a person face to face.
    Who would go around a bar and openly, unasked propose to everyone around “no blacks! no asians!” etc..???

    So I think the real issue is not rejection, but in my opinion it comes down to a certain kind of etiquette (is “netiquette” still being used as a term?), and a respectful manner of communicating with each other, and that includes a public statement on an open platform such as an online hook up profile.

  2. I agree 100% with your post. I applaud someone hanging the courage to be upfront and state their preferences. Whether you cushion the blow with nice sounding PC phrasing, or unadulterated bluntness. As you you stated, rejection is rejection. I’m attracted to most men with the exception of South Asians. Have many asian friends, colleagues, and live in a San Francisco neighborhood that’s primarily asian. Yet just because I choose to save time by writing “no asians” in my dating profile, I’m to be thought of as a racist? Hardly.

  3. Finally someone that’s doesn’t see this as racism. I may be down with hanging out with white folks but that don’t mean I must be down with sleeping with them. Sex is all about attraction. If I’m not sexually attracted to a particular race, color or whatever I should be able to state that freely to save time and avoid any awkward situation.

    That’s said sha, I’m down with any race as long as they are cute enough to get me hard 😁😁

  4. Honestly everything just plays out like a tricky sticky subject. Racism is quite a heavy term and using it in the same sentence as the term sex, which is highly fuelled by attraction and desire makes it a tough sell. But then again, we can’t rule out the damaging psychological effect phases like ” no Whites/Blacks/Asian” has on the already fragile self esteem of the average gay man.
    An opt for a more fitting term would be the obvious suggestion, but then again, lets face it, we live in a vicious and cold pond. So it’d be best to go out fishing when you have developed the right scales, hard enough to repel the stinging effects of rejection.

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